Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Surrounded

  Surrounded with no escape. We are in battle, this life, standing in a battlefield. One round of ammo, that's it. No escape. Somehow, it gets tiring. Surrounded by so many people you can talk to, but never do. We know our fate well, we know our end will all be the same. But our life here is hell on earth... Holding the gun, everyone is caving in... Trying to take it in, just unsure of whats even going on. Responsibility, task after task, command after command. Life can be a battlefield sometimes. Train day after day, knowing still, you will never be good enough to be the best. What you would give for a few months in solitude, just being safe wrapped in the blanket of safety. 
  
What I would give. To just be away from my parents, grades, friends. EVERYTHING. Just to be in complete silence and peace, meditation. Surrounded by this all, we start thinking what we are made to be. After holding onto the "theory", we start to wonder, wander, doubt. Just curled up, dead already on the inside. Sometimes it just takes a blow to the head, and everything would be finished. Seems so easy to do huh. After a while, the journey seems pointless. The reason seems blank. Sometimes its hard to just go on, when every attempt you have made has resulted in misery. Sometimes it goes so bad... We feel like if we were dead now, it would have made no difference. 

  Surrounded by all these fears nobody has ever conquered, you start wondering why they did not. Then you ask yourself why do you do this. So cold, frigid, even though your head is burning. I don't know. I'm lost.

  To be continued...


Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Hold

  White knuckled, clenched jaw, hot blooded, heavy eyed and pale with thirst, exhaustion and frustration. Do you know what I mean? Headaches and fear. When you live like that everything seems harder, and things slow down and rush at the same time. Over a heavy dose of solitude, I pulled myself back together and chose to continue. Why? Why not. In the midst of your struggle lies the opportunity to help someone else through theirs. I know how solitude can heal you, but at the same time, human support is pretty important too... I have gotten a lot of views, Russia, USA, and Hong Kong. I guess I shouldn't stop, for you guys. But at the same time, I really hope that you guys would contact me. :) It would be great to know who you are, also  a comment, an email, something simple would be deeply appreciated, and it would be really nice to know there are ones who need what I have to offer.

  Over the few days I have been pretty shallow, things have not gone as I wanted, and things have gone out of hand. It felt like I was on a crazy roller coaster ride that nobody could control. "Are you okay? You don't look so happy. You sure? Really? What happened?" I appreciate the care and concern that other people showed me, but how could I give them an answer, when I  myself cannot define what exactly is going on right now? I guess complaining about all this is pointless in some ways, someone homeless and suffering has it worse than us, sitting in comfy chairs, in front of our computer, munching on a snack. Sometimes things seem so cheery, but sometimes, something completely funny happens. The homeless and hopeless one finds hope, and we lose it. Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

  Tears rolling down your cheeks, like the racing beads you watched from the inside of the car on a stormy day. Remember how we were ambitious in our standing? When we were knocked down, we insisted on standing again, and we said, we don't care what they say. We'll show them! Call me juvenile, but I was so naive. Standing was easy to say, difference is easy to pronounce. A word in itself, what could it possibly mean though? Sometimes when you say something, post something, do something... Maybe it's so small that you won't think they would notice... Ends up being the most powerful thing you could have ever done, and you would not have even thought about the influence it has made. Give and it will be given to you, A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.~Luke 6:38. I guess whatever I do, if I give my very best, the very best will come back to me. Because, I believe in karma, and those who suffer now, shall be satisfied, as the Bible has promised. I guess that's why, when I feel like there is nothing of worth to hold onto in something I believe in, I still find some meaning to hold onto my belief, because I know in the end, I would have regretted not giving my best, when I am not given the best. Because wasting anything is a shame, and none of us deserve less than what we deserve. As humble as we should be, we should keep that in mind. Holding on, is to learn that once you believe, you never let go. So that is why, we have to choose very carefully what we believe, and what is worth holding onto. We have to KNOW what is worth holding onto, so when we feel like the meaning isn't not there, we can still remember why we know it is worth it. 


  Who said holding was easy? Some had to hold till they broke. Holding is not easy at all. It means devoting a  lot of your time and effort. Still, holding is a choice. Is that not the beauty of it? As we lie here broken, and  we see our goal, the small window of light in the far distance, and we know what we want to be. We want to stand again, so very very bad. While others sit and watch in their brokenness, some of us stargazers choose to hold onto the little shards of broken hope scattered about on the cold rock bottom. We are the ones who would do anything to stand again, anything... But the price is high. 

  To stand again, takes a miracle, as I had said before. But it isn't impossible. It just depends whether we are willing to do all we can, be all we are and give our all. Standing again, is to learn from all the pain, muster all you are, and limp and crawl towards the light. Standing again, is a miracle your soul has to create from all the pain and toil, blood and sweat. The harder you work for something, the more precious it seems. And trust me, standing again, is 100% worth it.


Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee

Friday, October 19, 2012

Stuck

So now I'm stuck. I have finally reached my limit, and I'm going to be idle for a few days. Sorry to take my focus off. I'll be back asap, but I really am not feeling well at all. Just letting you guys know. Sorry for letting you guys down... :'( I didn't want this to be this way either.


Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee

Monday, October 15, 2012

Talent

  Hey guys, there has been an increase of views in the USA, :) Thanks a lot! It's great knowing there is someone who supports and appreciates what you are doing. If you want any requests, or just comments, please don't hesitate to email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com Also, there is also a continued view number in HK. Thanks xD! So follow, for updates every couple (or so) days, and comment or leave a "like".

  *Also, if you're up for the challenge, join the stargazers! Just email me, and we could blog together. I really want a partner!

  Anyhoo, before I get too wrapped up in gaining the favor of you guys (Even though it would be really awesome to finally get an email/comment)...

  This post on talent is not similar at all to the "gift" post I made. Sure, they are synonyms, but similar doesn't mean same. They both mean something we don't deserve, and they are both given to us by God, and both are things we should never take for granted. But one is something we use, and one we accept.

  So last winter I was put in some sort of gifted program. I felt like IQ and gifted was a way to judge, and so I felt like it was pointless. Being talented is something you cannot control, and I feel like just because of that, we have no right to brag of it. And so, I turn my head, and today I am faced with a fistful of flyers waving in my face: ENROLL IN  MIDDLE SCHOOL TALENT SHOW! Ah, the sheer IRONY. Society tells us the perfect idea of a human, the barbie face and perfect hair, as I said in my post "beauty". But I want to ask everyone out there, what is perfect to you? Perfect has a different meaning to all of us. Everyone's definition of perfect something is different. So with everything being perfect to someone, nothing is. :)

  Talent is not something to flaunt, like your body, because no talented person is perfect to anyone, because to achieve perfection is morally impossible. If everyone is equal in human nature, nobody is talented, because we all are. I'm talented (apparently) at writing, how about you? Don't tell me nothing, because I have said that before, and I was wrong. I never knew I was going to come out on literature either, until I was at the point of breaking. The legend of Aang said: In the lowest of your lows, comes the greatest change. That was when I found out I had a relationship with words, even when it has been hidden, it was there, but it was just dusty, and overlooked. Until I was bent over in sorrow, I never really realized it's presence, nor have I dusted it off. But when I did, I found it gleaming, shouting out to me as my own talent. I think the posters for the talent show should simply say we are all talented in our own unique way, don't you think? To show it off... maybe a little prideful.  I guess being humble is something we should all possess, and telling the world that you have something of value in you is kind of expected, nothing really special, for we all know we are all special. 

  Sometimes, when we are given a talent, we are meant to not just keep it for ourselves. We are meant to do good with it, not only for ourselves but for the world. Talent shows are meant to show off the things you are capable of, but not necessarily willing to share. What we do, we should do in the name of god for him and for others. Are you willing to sacrifice your all, including your talent all for them? Because if you think being talented means you are the very best, there is a hundred thousand out there better than you. You will never be the best, but you can do your best to honor others, and I guess that's reward enough. After all... Is that not what talent is given to us for?


Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Crazy

  My birthday was a few days ago. Everything has been a mix of emotions and pain. I mean, I would honestly do anything for this blog to reach those who need it. But sometimes humans can be selfish. I have been so wrapped up in my own life that I forgot about this blog, and when I should be blogging, I have been doing something I have been telling everyone I will never do again. I guess nobody can really hide pain and sorrow right? I'm really sorry. I PROMISE next time I take a longer leave I will inform you guys. There has been a few regular views in HK and the US of A. Whoever you are, please spread this. I'm sorry I've been disappointing you guys for being idle. Also, please feel free to email me or leave a comment, and give me some topics to write about. I'm always going to be here for you, and I hope this way we could get to know each other better.

  Well. I guess things are crazy huh. Crazy. Crazy for what? Define crazy. I don't know if I said this before, but I'm pretty sure I did. What is normal? Point to one guy who is normal. Well the person you pointed at is the true crazy. In a world where everyone is crazy... Nobody is. Ever watched "The Incredibles"? When Syndrome said that when he was old and had his fun, he would sell his gadgets so everyone could be super. And with everyone super, nobody will be. We are all crazy. But then again, what do we crazy people consider crazy? Do raisin cookies point at chocolate chip cookies and go: That cookie is weird/insane/crazy? No. Both cookies are cookies, but only certain people will like certain cookies. You can't blame lactose intolerant people for not liking chocolate cookies. But let me ask you a question. Why do we accept the common crazy and abandon the ones who are just crazy in their own way, their own beautiful way? Why do we dream our dreams, and believe nobody dreams the same way, and so we don't do anything and pretend they never existed? If you know me well enough, you know even the smallest of life's mysteries can make me think way, way, out. I hear one word, and I think of everything. When I was a kid, and a topic was  mentioned, I recall saying this phrase every time: Tell me all about it. Where I was typing the above, I figured out the answer pretty easily. What caused the above is the thing that makes us unique, that makes me a stargazer. It's the reason why I started the blog. It's the reason why stargazers are everywhere, but just are not found yet. Stargazers are like stars, they are there, but you just can't see them. That's the beauty of them, they are so precious, and so rare to find. When you find one, its like digging and digging, and striking gold. 
  
  So, the answer is obvious. We refuse to accept it, because of fear. We don't stand out, we don't accept difference, because we want to be the same. But 20 years later, when you look back, will you say it was worth it, being like everyone else, typical, "normal", doing what everyone does and acting like everyone else? Will you accept the fact that what you chose was who you are's true and proud choices, to be like everyone else, and in the end, not even knowing WHY it seemed like such a big deal to fit in back then, when you were made to be different, why  we tried to hard, strained ourselves and made normalcy a huge deal when it simply was not? So let me tell you right now, right here. Live life with no regrets. Do what you want, and do it not for everyone, but for yourself, for now and ever. I'm doing this blog for myself, and because myself wants to do it for you, in front of the screen. I'm doing this for everyone because who I am CHOOSES this. Do what you want, and I want to do this for others. I know 20 years later, no word, no post I do will ever be of regret, because this is what I feel, and who I am right now. 

  When I blog, I am FREE. The world is away from me, and I forget time. Because when I blog, I come alive. All these years I have been driving myself nuts for not doing anything when I have so much to offer, but nobody around really needs it. I read everywhere that when you feel that way, someone somewhere needs exactly what you need to offer. So here I am, doing what I love, what I want, and someone out there is needing what I write right now. Let me tell you, you are not crazy. Who you are is not what you have been through, not what you have done, not even the choices you make, how others see you, your reputation, your sin, your job, school, home, skin, hair, clothes, finance, how the world rates you, nor how you rate yourself. It is what those things have made you. So you can choose to join the crowd, or you can shine the way you want to be, a gleaming star glittering in the black-blue sky, instead of a longing stargazer in awe of what other stars are accomplishing right now, when the stargazer herself/himself can be up there with the others, shining his or her's own brilliant light. 

  In the end, my definition of being crazy is that you are a conqueror of fear itself. Maybe somebody should unleash that beast, and live out their dream. I want us to do that. Me, and the others who feel the same way. Me and the stargazers out there. Because the only crazy, are those who are capable of doing way more than they can ever hope and imagine for, lying low within the shadows that are patrolled by fear.



Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Sky

  First things first. Sorry, guys, but I feel like nobody is really supporting me right now. I felt so ambitious, but right now, with my birthday coming up, and everything going on isn't going so well, I wanted to stop the blog forever. But I thought again, why did I make this blog? Because I believed the sky was the limit, There were no limits to what we/ I can do, and I guess nobody could really make me stop, but me. Still, I believe a post per day is, frankly, interfering with my schedule and life. So I decided on a compromise. I will make a post per 2/3 days.
  
  So I was trying to find some people who could relate, so I went on Google, and I came across this website called livelifehappy.com Not the ideal stargazer material, but I guess I could relate with them.They have a goal to inspire, and I have one to help those who need it. I appreciate their effort and meaning, that's why I want to share it here.
  
I saw this post they made, and it said: Don't let anyone turn your sky into a ceiling. I was touched more by this than anything on that site (So far). I am one out of 2 million, and so are they. We are the 0.5% of the population. Minus all the others, and only count those who know English, I guess there is less than 8 million on earth. Minus those who are special in other ways, I would say about 3 million people are capable of that understanding. Find those who could relate to me, that are my age, that makes less than/about 1 million. 100000 people. Think of that number, and minus my chances of knowing them personally and making them my friends. The number is SO SMALL. And here, on the internet I found a few. I'm not going to let that go easily. They understand, relate. KNOW.

  So back to the quote. The limit is none. I guess. I mean, how funny is it? Some people think that the sky is forever, the universe. But some think it is only up till the atmosphere. Think again. Who has the right to control you? God and god only. God is HUGE. There are no limits of god. There are, therefore, no limits of what we can do, what we value, or what we worship. It is what we choose, our limits, are limited to what we DECIDE our sky is. You may never know who is going to make your morals a ceiling. You may be that person. Ever thought of it that way? We are the most likely, and most powerful to ourselves. We accept Christ, not forced to worship. Everything we do is up to US. Up to ME, YOU. Our sky. is. our. belief.

I'm tired of doing this alone. Somebody, please give me some feedback. I really wish to know someone is out there. Thanks guys, I guess duty calls. I should get going. 


Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Simplicity

  Sorry I've been idle for the past few days, I guess I was just facing some of my own problems. Anyhoo, I guess my personal things shouldn't affect the blog. This blog isn't about me, it's about the millions of stargazers outside, complaining about depression and heartbreak. Well. I really don't know how many readers there are, but I have faith there are, and hope they would support this. So if you are reading this, please leave some comments and/or email me. It means a lot!
  
  So, today I was in church, just another regular Sunday, you might say. I guess it was. I arrived to church late again, overslept, and most of what the sermon the woman was preaching, I already knew. Typical. 

  So I guess I was just there at the table in the restaurant, carving doodles with a knife into the paper where my plate of spaghetti was laid upon. My mother suggested a walk in the park. I went. My family was at the park, and my brother and I wandered off. I settled on the bench, it was a fine day, cool breeze, strong sun. The bright blue October weather, fall with a hint of winter. I clutched my caramel bubble tea, and took small sips, just looking at the clouds, listening to the laughter and talk of other people, the sound of birds and rustling leaves. Crisp grass, beautiful day, it was a sign of a good sunset and clear sky for stargazing. I was there, and I saw a bunch of middle aged women and a man that looks like he had hit his golden years, in the midst of the grass, playing with... Plastic flying dragonflies. I was, intrigued. Plastic flying dragonflies are toys meant for children about 8 years of age. I realized pretty soon they were a bunch of mentally disabled people. 

  More sips and another five minutes I could identify them all. Just there, on the red bench, I was learning so much. The woman with the ponytail and iPhone was the teacher, who just went around teaching the bunch how to spin the dragonfly into the air, cracking small jokes and giving thumbs up to the others when they successfully launch the dragonfly in the air. There were 4 women beside the teacher, the hefty woman with the Micky mouse shirt, the woman who looked like her head was too small for her body, and jumped around instead of walking, the chimp who sat there giggling the whole time, not doing much. And the "silverback" woman, the leader of the gang, who acted like the baboons in "Tarzan", wore a red shirt. The man, who looked like he was in his 50's wore knee length socks, and blue Nike shoes.
   
  I watched. All the queer little things they did, the messed up groan-laugh the jumpy woman gave whenever she launched the dragonfly, even when she failed, she laughed. The half smile and nostril flare the hefty one made when she rubbed the dragonfly, the look of interest she had, the determination. The giggling chimp with the neon pink clip in her hair, covering her mouth, laughing at every joke the teacher said. The silverback, who gave the hefty one hugs when she couldn't launch the dragonfly. The man, who kept giving himself a thumbs up every-time he launched the toy in the air, because that is what he was rewarded with the first few times he launched it, under the careful guide of the teacher. The teacher, who kept encouraging them, who gave up everything she had to be with them. What made her give that love? She was not pitying them. She was loving them, like a mother. She kept taking pictures of them, helping them.

 A few more sips. She cared. The teacher. The others lived a hard life, being abandoned like this. The man, and the women, where are their parents? What was going on in their parents heads when they knew their child was challenged this way? The man is too old to have parents that are alive. How did he react when they passed? How did they all live their lives? How did other behave around them? I had so many questions. But I was too scared to ask.

  Now, all that was left of my bubble tea was a pile of bubbles. I chewed on them, one by one, wondering. 

 They were happy. So very happy. These are truly a people who have not conformed to the pattern of our world. Independent, yet happy in their nature. From afar, they look not much different from us. But after a while they look like monkeys, playful, cheery. I know they lived tough. Little can we compare to them. But there in a park, under my gaze, they laughed and giggled. They were mocking depression in the face. We complain, heartbreaks, bad grades, and cry at night. They? They LAUGH. They are so simple, and sometimes, simple is good. Funny thing is, you can be whatever you want, even when you know better...

  I hold a cup in my hand, now empty, sitting on a red bench on a typical Sunday afternoon, but now I sit in a completely new state of mind. I have gained a huge amount of respect for the teacher, and the students as well. I feel like if they can be happy, even after all the pain and toil they have been through, we can too. If some people who are so simple, can have such great happiness, why can't we? Why is it so hard, to be happy, like the jumpy one, to be proud of trying, not be afraid to laugh out in public, and express your true feelings? Why is it so hard, to be determined, and love what you do, like the hefty one? Why is it so hard, to find pleasure everywhere in life, when even the chimp can? Why is it so hard, to just love others, like the silverback? Why is it so hard, to encourage and love yourself, like the man? When even the simplest of us all can do that, why can't we? Why are people like the teacher so rare? Why can't we be like her, and see the beauty in everything, no matter how unlikely it seems? Why is it so hard, to care? 

  They pack up, their little picnic over, those simple beings. I whispered a silent prayer for them, and watched them go. In the most unlikely places, we can really learn the most valuable lessons. Today, was the day I learnt simplicity.


Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Silence

So you go to the movies, and there appears the words "Silence is golden". Oh yeah, movie, don't interrupt, sure. But this phrase made its way into my head somehow, and I catch myself thinking about it in class, at home, all day, at night. Why does it stick so much?

I was used to walking into a class, and everyone would just turn, and stare. That silence, is that golden? I plop down on a seat, and I see my desk-mate move to the far side of the table, acting like I was radioactive. That silence, is THAT golden? The stares hurt, I feel like tearing up, showing them how much the compressed pain really feels. Am I covered in poison, what have i ever done to ruin their lives? I walk down the hall, and there comes a hush over the lockers. I feel like I'm glowing, with everyone turning their heads at the sight of me. Everything I touch is contaminated. That silence, is that golden? Only through pain are we toughened. 

Next week, on the 12th, it will be my birthday. I would be 13. You know how nobody has ever done anything JUST FOR ME, ever, on my birthday? I get waves, smiles, hugs, but nothing true. I get silence a lot. That silence is all for me. Are all silences golden? Even the ones that hurt? Even the ones that show hatred? How could someone have their music on blast, and still hear nothing? In a world of a deaf person, what is silence? Is that silence golden too? Well this took me 3 years to find. Silence, is a time of NOTHING. You can make it anything you want to, think anything you want to. The silence they send me, was an offering of their hate. They think that, but I think the opposite. I have a choice. "What makes a boy a man? It's the decisions he makes, the choices he make." ~Hellboy. 

The silence I send back, is not "I know I'm better than all of you, so I just don't care." I guess one thing I learnt the hard way is just to choose to think : I am my own person. I can't tell you who I am, can you? The silence is a time of nothing, and if you focus hard, all silences can be as innocent as you wish, because you chose to think that way. 

Silence is a time to think and reflect in a way no words could describe. The quiet kid speaks all of a sudden with surprising wisdom, and nothing can explain that, but silence. Silence, is a magic. Silence, is golden, but sometimes you can't see that. What is going on in their heads, you don't know. Somethings are better left unspoken, and that's why silence is there. Silence is that moment that really can transform you. Silence, is so subtle, yet so powerful. It is more than golden, it is a miracle in itself. 


Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Someone

So someone comes up to you, when you are busy trying to shut out the world, make your own little city, where everything could be as you like, in your dreams you can be anyone, anything, anywhere, and that someone just comes, and sits with you, asking to join your world. That world you made from the shards of your broken heart. That someone comes, and shows you how there is still good in the real world, and tells you that even in your perfect little planet you have made, sometimes its not enough. Fear draws you back, because you have never left that safety. 

Do not shut out the world...? Why? No, Why NOT? People are cruel. The other someones that come to you, are almost always those who make you feel like crap. And then they just, leave. Sometimes, that hurts. Well, it always does, it just depends how much it hurts.  

But that one someone who actually stayed there for me, was JESUS. He came up, and just sat with me. I mean, who would do that? I buried myself in books, four a day, ever since 4th grade. I felt like I would never be sick of this little world I so carefully made. I didn't care, didn't know anything outside, I was content. It was so addictive, it was just book after book. People who called me names, who made me suffer, who looked down on me, were drowned out by robin hood, animal farm, hatchet, the loner... I was fine. But why couldn't I just see there was more? 

I had my face shoved into a novel each time, and I never looked up. I scoured the racks, devouring one after the other, and all that time, blocked out that someone, knocking on the door. The walls I built up, brick by brick, book by book, line by line, letter by letter, shut out not only the hurt, but the love, and the Lord. I have been looking so hard for someone to leech on, to walk with me, to help me, and I was so selfish. What I really needed to look for, has long been here. I just needed to turn the door, and let that someone in.


Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Patience

Ah, patience, my old friend. I met that along with darkness, silence, pain, hurt, fear and the others. Patience. What do you think? 8 letters in a string, a word your mother has always told you? Patience is why I'm still intact. Think of anger as a pack of wolves, and patience is a wall. I feel like when the wolves hide in the bushes, I sometimes don't even realize they are there. The stags, deer taunt me, and before I know it, the wolves tear at the wall, clawing at it, willing the bricks to fall. 

You know why our mothers care so much about our patience? Because they know we will regret letting the wolves go to consume other people. The wolves lash out, mean words, physical actions, sudden outbursts of pure rage you never even knew you were capable of. The foundation of our patience is crucial. It feels like you're fighting yourself, but I feel like if God could bear with us, if he could give us patience, why can't we? 

I feel like his patience and forgiveness is greater than any other. God would turn the other cheek if you slap him, he took the whipping, the crown of thorns, he was on that cross for so long till he died, his wall of patience was that strong. Compared to him, what can we endure? To look at your murderer in the eye, not objecting or fighting back, but just being there, without cursing him even in your heart, just being willing to do as he pleases, and let. him. kill. you. THAT, is patience. I can't do that. Can you? 

I've regretted snapping at people so many times. Yet, patience is what we should strive for, to make our wall as tough as possible. Sooner or later it will fall, but the question is how easily. In the end it would feel good, you would be glad you kept it in. Making other people feel horrible sometimes makes yourself feel worse. Patience... If you own even a little bit of it, it would help you a lot more than you can without it, and even a little, can go a pretty long way. 

Ever felt this way? It's like a pack of wolves eating you up slowly from within. Their snarl creeps onto your face, and you force it into a smile. They claw at your heart, and you desperately cling on, grabbing it with all your might, nails piercing it, you feel the rapid pulse and hot, sticky blood streaming down your arm, you gasp, you try to hold it in, you hold your tongue, but the wolves tug hard. You cover your mouth, but it's too late. The wolves escape, and free at last, run off unstoppable into the midnight, taking it's howl with it. ~ME


Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee

Monday, October 1, 2012

Join me




So far I'm the only author here. I was bullied quite a bit, hurt a lot, upset a lot, depressed but I just don't show it. I feel like I need to stand out. One victim eventually has to. I want a companion though, being a lone wolf is sometimes tiring. Sometimes, I need my pack, my backup, my friends, the other stargazers. I know I'm not the only one who felt horrible, who still feels that way sometimes. Sometimes it takes courage to spread the word, and courage to take a stand. Hard to pull away from what we have all grown up with. But is it possible? I think nobody has ever tried really hard to find out. Ever heard of wild children? They make me think, what really makes us human? Is it our nature, or how we are grown up, in what surroundings we are grown in? I know the bullies were victims, and most people who are popular have other dreams they are too scared to pursue, because of our old enemy judgement. The world is big, its huge. But there is so much more to know, instead of just seeing. Imagine, if one of us just pulled away from what everyone already knows and already have seen, what would we find, what could we discover?
Today, I want to ask you to join me. Not for my own popularity, but for those who need the help, and for God, who created all as equal. We want them to know they are worth it, they are NOT alone, they are being loved this very moment, no matter what they are doing and where they are. 

I really want to do all I can to spread this hope, and so I wrote an official intro for my blog. This little fellowship is all I could think of for days now, and I really want to watch it grow. But it can't grow without being known. So please, if you're reading this out there, forward this to those who really need it. For them, for him. 

Here is the promised intro. 


Hope for the stargazers- Those who dream but fear to live- Official Intro.

Anyone out there feeling alone, feeling horrible, in need of some support? Victims who just want someone to hear you out but nobody seems to relate/understand? Wanting to undo some of your mistakes so hard, to turn back the hands of the clock somehow, but not ever being able to? Been told so many times that you're not worth it, thought about suicide many times over, unloved, misunderstood, underestimated?

Can't seem to find the answers you so desperately try to find, can't forget about that one guy/girl, feel like you are out of place, don't belong in this world? Sitting there in your own little world, sick and tried of people pitying you, trying to stand but keep getting knocked down again and again? Lying to yourself that everything is okay, but still feel the same horrible pain and suffering inside? Wanting to do anything to just have peace, to stop all the agony and sorrow, to end all the tears, close the wounds and heal the scars?

I was like that, and I felt so bad. I was on rock bottom, and I wished so much for someone to just lift me up. It didn't happen that way, and I'm still struggling. I know there are millions of people out there, who feel unaccepted and hurt, and I want to join them at their lonely table and talk with them, and learn to grow with them. I'm doing this, because for a revolution to happen, something revolutionary has to happen first. I feel a spark, and I want to start the fire, the fire of the holy spirit, the fire of hope.

So if you dream a lot, but fear is holding you back from actually doing what you want to do, join me here with the other stargazers, at 
hopeforthestargazers.blogspot.com or hopeforthestargazers.blog.com and email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com

Also, please share this post to those you know need it. :) Thanks. It would mean the world to me and them.



Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee